"If Heaven is good and if I like to be bad, how am I supposed to be happy there?"

Calvin and Hobbes by Bill Watterson  Source

I think it is amazing that Bill Watterson came up with this cartoon!
This is why;

Proposition 1- If Heaven is good and if I like to be bad, how am I 
supposed to be happy there? 
Calvin agrees Heaven is good. He acknowledges that in his inner 
being, he likes to be bad, bad being the opposite of good. Calvin likes
and embraces his inner darkness and does not want to change. He 
realizes that within these realities, as they are mutually exclusive, he 
could not possibly be happy in heaven.

Orthodox view- This state of affairs, as pertaining to unrepentant

sinners is very correct. I think it is amazing Calvin realizes he 

could not be happy in Heaven as he is now. This is a very 

Orthodox truth. The state of blessedness of the saints is the love

of God, His Grace, their participation in God’s uncreated Energy.

For an unrepentant sinner, this Grace is fire and torment, because

he rejects God’s love and holds on to his darkness willingly and 

knowingly! The gates of Hell are closed  from the inside!

For a complete exposition of this Orthodox truth, please read 

The River of Fire by Alexander Kalomiros

Proposition 2- How will you get to heaven if you like to be bad? 
asks Hobbes. But Calvin assumes he is going to Heaven even in his
unchanged inner state, and this is in contradiction with his 
acknowledgement of his inner badness (according to Hobbes), and
Hobbes confronts him with this fact.

Orthodox view- Hobbes is right! No one who in his heart 
embraces his passions and sins, his darkness, and refuses to 
repent, will inherit the Kingdom of Heaven. 

In the Gospel of Matthew 5:17-22 NASB Jesus speaks;
 “Do not think that I came to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I did not
come to abolish but to fulfill. For truly I say to you, until heaven and 
earth pass away, not the smallest letter or stroke shall pass from the
Law until all is accomplished. Whoever then annuls one of the least of
these commandments, and teaches others to do the same, shall be 
called least in the kingdom of heaven; but whoever keeps and teaches
them, he shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven.
   For I say to you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the
scribes and Pharisees, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven. You 
have heard that the ancients were told, ‘You shall not commit murder’
and ‘Whoever commits murder shall be liable to the court.’  But I say 
to you that everyone who is angry with his brother shall be guilty before
the court;"

Propositions 3 and 4- Let’s say I didn't do what I wanted to do. 

Suppose I led a blameless life! Suppose I denied my true dark

nature. In other words, what if I abstain from doing evil, while 

preserving my inner evil disposition without changing inside; so I can

make it to Heaven?

This possibility is the way of Western Theology; accept your inner 

depravity, it is total and irremediable and all you have to do is receive

Jesus Christ in your heart and His righteousness will be imputed unto 

you from the moment you ‘believe’. It seems that Bill Watterson is

exposing, by means of this cartoon, the absurdity of this way of 

thinking (Calvin’s state is not only an idea but an inner condition).

Orthodox view- A change of heart is absolutely necessary. 
“Blessed are the pure in heart for they shall see God”. Jesus 
says in Matthew 5:8 Notice that here are included both external
acts as well as inner movements of the heart. Also remember 
that according to Christ's words, looking at a woman with lust is
adultery. Anger against our brother is murder. Avarice is idolatry.

The Apostle Paul in his letter to the Galatians 5:16-21 NASB, writes,
"But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the desire of the

flesh. For the flesh sets its desire against the Spirit, and the Spirit 

against the flesh; for these are in opposition to one another, so that you

may not do the things that you please. But if you are led by the Spirit,

you are not under the Law. Now the deeds of the flesh are evident, 

which are: immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmities,

strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, disputes, dissensions, factions, 

envying, drunkenness, carousing, and things like these, of which I 

forewarn you, just as I have forewarned you, that those who practice

such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit

is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 

gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. Now those

who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions 

and desires."

Proposition 5- Hobbes says, “I’m not sure I have that much 
imagination.”

Hobbes seems to be implying that Calvin’s hypothetical scenario, 
while technically possible, is not something Calvin could actually pull
off. Calvin’s past pattern of behavior makes his plan very unlikely to 
succeed.

Orthodox view-The passions (sinful dispositions of the soul), if
not repented from, and healed in the participation of the 
sacramental life of the Church, can and will dominate a person’s
behavior to the point where the sinner will continually sin, 
repeatedly and with very little power to turn around!

Proposition 6- Maybe Heaven is a place where you are allowed
to be bad.

As Calvin sees it, “Heaven”, the perfect ideal situation, is a ‘place’ 
where his inner darkness is totally free to be and to act. That is, 
provided he does not act on his inner evil disposition now, maybe he
will be allowed to go to heaven without having to change inside. 
Heaven to him is a place of self-indulgence and unlimited pleasures.

Orthodox view- This is the lie of the evil one, “happiness comes
from fulfilling the passions”. But the Fathers teach that a passion
is a movement of the soul contrary to nature. It ruins the soul
instead of fulfilling it. Passions cannot be satisfied.

"What is a passion? Passion is an unnatural movement of the soul, 
says Maximus the Confessor, just as a physical disease is something
unnatural to our body… 'Passion is an excessive feeling, or appetite, 
going beyond what is reasonable. Passions are a disturbance of our
soul contrary to our nature, in disobedience to reason. Passion is not
natural and it ruins our nature instead of fulfilling it- Clement of 
Alexandria”
From 'Path to Sanity' p.30, Dee Pennock, Light & Life Publishing Company, 
Minneapolis, MN 2010

Calvin is right about one thing, there is a time and condition when
he will be allowed to be bad. But it is not called Heaven. It is called
Hell and he will not be happy there. And repentance then will not 
be an option.

May our Lord Jesus Christ preserve us from such calamity!